April's Worth

i'm not a regular blogger. well, it's pretty obvious isn't it? but i don't quite like seeing a month without a post.

it's 11.34pm. as usual, last minute work... gotta hit it before 12am.

So, here i go...

April. this month has never made a significant in my life. but from now, it will. it came through as a pretty long month to me.

this is when i couldn't hold my feelings anymore. i blurted it all out. got rejected. tried to salvage a friendship. got through it. RECOVERED! in just 5 days time. she didn't believe it. and i assured her i was ok.

simple thoughts that made me feel better. loving someone as your other half doesn't mean that you must have her. or him. of course, if you could become a couple, then that's a big, fat bonus that i'm clearly deprived of.

today, i got a question from my sis. why couldn't you just stay at home and study for your exams next week? why go through all the trouble of drivin? btw, the traffic jam on the way back was hell.

the answer's very simple. obvious enough to me. i wanted to see her. i'm afraid i'll forget how she looks like. i just wanted to be close to her.

things turned out otherwise. we promised each other to be in a friendship. but the gap between us is even larger now. i put one step forward, she steps back one step. it took me till today to realise that if things could be as before, it would take a pretty darn long time.

i sat there all alone. she came out of the library with a friend. i could merely get this out of my mouth. what time are u going back?4.30 it seems. and she went in the lift without any other words to me. there could be a million things i could do right there and then to better things up. i just watched the chance slipped by.

got down to my car. adjusted my mirror to face the college gate. and i kept a close watch for her mum's or dad's car. it was stupid but..i don't know.

and i wait, wait and waited. 4.45. 4.50. 5.00!! by then, i was already 40 mins in my car. i told myself. ok. 5.10 and that's it...

(due to STRICT time consideration, i will publish this post first..;)